i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
