Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
