Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
