no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
