trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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