VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
