My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
