he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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