what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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