please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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