i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
