P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
