You're my little dorito
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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