I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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