and she was petting her beer can
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
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Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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