I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
