Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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