No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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