i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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