my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
