So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
