So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When are your genitals available?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
