Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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