When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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