Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
