Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This baby is an asshole
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
