the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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