Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
