Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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