Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let's get the cat blown out
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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