how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
