When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize