Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
