I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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