whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
