I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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