just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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