Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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