We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
