see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i think my mom watched the whole time
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
