so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
