My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am midnight drunk by noon
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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