theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
