those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
