He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
