i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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