I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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