chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
