we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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