It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
