Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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