bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
there is glitter all over my balls
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
