If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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