Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Found your dick twin last night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
