I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
