Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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