Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
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I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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