The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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