Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
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She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
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I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.