it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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