just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
