The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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